If you’re a single foster parent and you’ve just added a foster child to the mix, you’re experiencing some seismic changes. Or if you’re married, but you’ve become a “temporary single parent” due to your spouse’s travel schedule or military deployment, you know how this creates upheaval in your household’s equilibrium.
The foster system is no stranger to single parents. While there’s no cookie-cutter guideline for becoming a good foster home, here are seven practical tips to make your single parenting experience workable and enjoyable.
Stock up
Stock up on frozen foods that will come in handy for quick meal prep. Pre-plan meals and groceries as well as you can. Make freezer meals (or crockpot meals) ahead of time, noting which nights they will be cooked. Also, to limit dishes and streamline clean-up, buy crockpot cooking bags and paper plates and bowls.
Unload
Speaking of dishes, take anything off your plate that can wait. Do you volunteer for an organization or donate time to other causes important to you? Do you have obligations to lead sports, lead scouting, or teach Sunday School? Find others to step in and take over your roles that pull you away from your house and children. Right now your kids need you first.
Let It Go
Make like Elsa and … let it go. It’s easy to get laundry or dishes done when someone else can make the lunches or load the backpacks. Some of those chores can wait another day … and another. Expect the house to be a little extra messy and for clutter to build. Consider cleaning one small spot in the house each day. That may be the counter by the sink, the dining room table, the toilet (not the entire bathroom), or any other small space.
Be Honest with Yourself
Know your limits and recognize your needs. Are you an extrovert? Then make sure you figure out how to get time with others. Call your friends to set up a date night once a month (or week).
Know what fills your tank and make a physical plan to make sure it happens. Maybe it’s getting in some exercise, or binging a good TV series while sipping your favorite beverage. In short, schedule some you-time.
Line Up Help
Murphy has a law, and that law says the worst will happen while you’re alone. The stomach flu stops by for a visit, someone breaks a bone, you know the drill. This is not the only time to use respite, but it sure is a good time to have people ready to help.
Above all, learn to accept help. Don’t be afraid to ask; accept offers that are made. Let people make you a meal or come watch the kids so you can nap or go to the store alone.
Use Click List, Grocery Delivery, or Amazon Fresh.
Take advantage of these wonderful online services. Even Walmart, Target, and Costco offer grocery delivery services, and they’re easy to use. Another option is ordering online and picking up your groceries outside the store. Kids can stay buckled in their car seats while you wait together for loading.
Tap Into Respite Care
Given its importance, this should probably be the first item on this list! There are foster care providers who sign up to help with respite just for families like yours. You need a break. You need help. Life happens, and it can happen in an instant! Don’t be afraid to ask around and see if there is a night or two that your foster kids can be watched so you can take a break, take a nap, or go to the store alone.
Yes, you can be single (long-term or short-term) and still be a successful foster parent. Just as each family is different, so is each foster home. Working within your limits and knowing how to make your schedule work will set you up for a successful experience as a single foster parent. You’ve got this!
