Loving others comes at a cost, but it’s so worth it!
It’s complicated, messy, and sometimes just plain messed up. Foster care can cause even the most gung-ho enthusiast to spiral into a burned-out skeptic.
Tangling with endless trauma-induced behaviors, paper work, appointments, and sleep deprivation can knock the wind right out of you. Then you bristle at a decision from “the authorities” that’s unfair any way you slice it.
And when you don’t think things can get darker, you’re hit with questions and criticism from a precious, confused, broken heart—and you have nothing.
But something way down deep prompts us to keep going. Take a few moments to ponder five reasons to push forward:
- Jesus
He submitted himself to broken, unholy people, and to a hostile, unholy world. Every December, we spend concentrated time celebrating Immanuel, God with us. His presence helps us navigate the rocky seas of foster parenting!Every day, you choose to submit to people and governmental structures that are imperfect (like Jesus did) for the sake of love. Jesus gives hope for our foster children, for caseworkers, for biological parents, and for me.Every day, I choose to say to my child, “By God’s grace, I will bear the weight of the mess (in the form of dangerous family or an imperfect legal system). I will try my best to shield you and show you the love of Jesus.”
- Christ’s call
Chances are you began your journey in foster care because you felt God tugging at your heart. Sometimes that calling comes through a “still small voice.” Sometimes it’s through a gift of compassion from a story you heard.No matter how foster care moved your heart, knowing that you’re called will keep you moving forward. It’s when you doubt whether or not you’ve truly been called to fostering that things get extra turbulent. It’s important to hold on to the assurance of the calling you’re given.
- The kids
It’s simply not their fault that they’re in foster care. And it’s not their fault that sometimes keeping them safe is such a hassle sometimes..It’s your job to love hard and care for each one the best you can in the moments you’ve been given—even when it feels like your limited rights confine you or that your skills can’t possibly be enough..The truth is there is no case worker, lawyer, or therapy session that can provide the love of a parental figure. Even if your time with a child is short, your impact can be life-long. And your prayers will always be heard.
- If not me, who?
Let’s be honest—good foster parents are desperately needed. Yielding to the pressure to give up and throw in the towel will deprive you of an opportunity to change a life–and deprive a precious child of what you can offer!Tragically, there are far too many stories of less-than-ideal foster parents slipping into the system. And many foster parents cringe whenever they hear about the negative impact institutions can have on a child’s security and ability to attach. You can be a solution to the problem of bad parenting.
- I am changed
Pressing through the tough days will provide you with priceless gifts. Yes, gaining character and increased love for others will come at a cost, but you’ll treasure all of it.Foster parents tell “war stories” fueled by vivid memories of experiences with foster children, biological parents, social workers, and judges. Each one can teach you to stretch your ideas of grace, die to yourself, and trust God in ways that only another foster parent can understand.
So, please hang it there. Trust that God is working a bigger picture, even when it hurts. Foster care is not for the faint of heart, but don’t grow weary in doing good. Get support. Get respite. But for the love of the kiddos…don’t give up!
