Preparing for Your Foster Care Journey
Helping children in hard places is close to the hearts of many, but fear of the unknown and apprehension about taking such a big, life-altering step often keep fostering children on the “someday” list. If you’re considering fostering down the road, here are some steps that will set you up for success.
Pour into your marriage—you can’t pour love out of an empty cup
Children who have experienced trauma will need vast amounts of focused love and care that will stretch both you and your partner. Your relationship struggles that are manageable now will become more complicated when you’re fostering. To solidify your relationship, develop your communication skills, pray together, and do whatever it takes (including couples counseling) before bringing a child into your home. Procrastinating in this area will create problems later; a strong relationship between you two will be the foundation these children can stand on to begin their healing.
Dive deep into your own healing journey before seeking to help others who need healing
Foster care is typically more complicated than traditional parenting since it often requires constant patience, adaptation, and wisdom to help a child heal and thrive. You may be surprised at how quickly a foster child’s behavior can trigger the pain from your past. Before you embark on this journey, spend some focused time exploring the difficulties you’ve walked through, including both the coping skills that worked well and those that did not. It’s often helpful to have a therapist to help you and your partner navigate the challenges of fostering.
Build a supportive community
Fostering cannot be done well in isolation. You cannot thrive as a foster parent if you plan to huddle inside your home. For starters, it won’t take long to discover how important and life-giving it is to enjoy breaks from your foster child. Caring friends, relatives, and respite care providers will be critical to your success and emotional wellbeing. You won’t be able to shoulder the weight of fostering on your own; you’ll need others to encourage you, hold you up, and share the load. You’ll be amazed how much your support community will be able to provide love and support in your foster child’s life.
Pray for discernment and love before fostering
Emotions tend to be difficult to control when you are fostering. You may think you’ll immediately fall in love with the child or siblings coming into your home, only to find that bonding can be a challenge. It is important that you and your partner are intentional about praying together for discernment and sensitivity as you make foster care decisions. Specifically, ask God to match you with a child you can love and help. Ask him to show you clearly if there are situations you are not equipped to manage. Pray to love the child(ren) that enter your home just a little bit more each day they are with you. Those prayers matter and will help strengthen you when things are difficult.
If you have children in your home already, bring them along in the learning process
Engage your children in the process, even in the planning stages. Use these times as “teachable moments” for your children. Explain your motivation for fostering. Be attentive to their questions and concerns and provide honest answers. While foster care is a grown-up topic, children can be surprisingly adept at understanding it when the information is presented in a child-friendly way. Be sure to include them in prayer times. If you guide the process well, your children will learn life-changing lessons about empathy, caring, and healing as they play a strategic role in your family’s foster care journey!
