Many of us could probably say that we definitely went through the infamous teenage “rebellious stage” that caused some of our family members deep concern. You may even possibly be able to refer to grades 7th-9th as the brutal years where kids can just be outright cruel. The years where friends turn into enemies and enemies turn into so called “friends”. Granted, we know life is hard for teenagers well through high school as well but also during the middle school years also.

If you would like to know some ways you can help your child through those years when it seems like their friends are their biggest influences, then keep reading. These suggestions will inspire you while raising your teenagers.

Be PRESENT physically, mentally & emotionally! OKAY, so how often are we present physically but not really present mentally when in the same room with someone? In the age of Smart Phone technology we all tend to be absent from real life relationships, obsessively busy checking our social media accounts, reading the news or getting lost in the latest political polls.
Teenagers catch on to if you’re really interested in what they have to say or not by if you’re asking follow up questions and showing the appropriate emotions. If they are really upset or happy over something they want to see those same emotions in you. Being emotionally present is HUGE in a teenager’s life.

Educate Them. This usually starts before they’re teenagers. You can’t protect your kids from everything obviously. They’re going to find out things eventually, and if it’s not from you it will be from their friends and other outside influences, guaranteed. Recognize when your children are beginning to wonder and/or ask questions about certain things, and educate them according to their age and maturity level. We’re not just talking about where babies come from. Educate them on the importance of choosing friends that influence them to be better, not giving into peer pressure, standing up to bullying, loving without condoning, maintaining good morals, etc… the list goes on and on.

Get to know their friends. My mom used to tell us growing up, “show me who your friends are, and I’ll show you what you’ll soon become.” If you really invest the time to get to know your teenagers friends, you can usually (hopefully) tell if there are some red flags you should tactfully talk to you teen about.

Ask specific questions and show LOVE no matter the response. We’ve all struggled with something as a teenager and most likely, like other teens, we would turn inward and shut our parents out. Obviously, this is still normal for teenagers. It’s important that parents keep an open line of communication with their teens so that they can be comfortable talking about topics that in our day and age, we never had to deal with.

Dates/One-on-One Time. If you loved doing this while they were little, it’s especially important during the teenage years. Their schedules might be totally insane, but try and find a time that you get to have a one-on-one with them. You might even trade off time with mom and time with dad since the experiences will be different. Not only does this open up communication with your teenager but it could potentially help them in making decisions knowing they’ll be having a chat with mom or dad later in the week.

As frustrating as it is, sometimes your kids don’t want to learn from yours or others mistakes. Sometimes, after doing all you can, you have to let them make their own mistakes and hope they come out on the other side stronger because of it. Every child is different and every child gets to experience different things.

Ron Tolson is the Social Media Coordinator, Volunteer Coordinator and Lead PS MAPP trainer for Agape Adoption Agency of Arizona, Inc.