Sanders Family
My name is DeJuan and my wife’s name is Desiree. We have two biological children and a third on the way. God placed a desire in our hearts to care for and raise other children in our home. Essentially, we thought that route would be through adoption. We felt that we could provide stability, consistency and love to other children. After enrolling in and going through the PSMAPP course offered through AGAPE, we had a change of heart. We both had a burning desire to try foster care.
Shortly after getting licensed, we received a phone call and a two year old boy became the newest member of our family. To be honest, it was extremely difficult in the beginning. Going from two to three may seem pretty insignificant, but it was a huge change to our family’s dynamics. It felt similar to having a newborn in the house. He had night terrors very frequently. We would go into his room many times through-out the night to settle him down. Many times he didn’t want to be touched so we would stand near his crib and just pray for him. As time went on, the episodes of night terrors decreased.
Another challenge occurred during bath time. Our little boy was terrified of water and wanted nothing to do with it. He would scream at the top of his lungs and holler whenever we tried to bathe him. Our goal was to get him in and out of the water as fast as possible. As time went on and trust continued to grow, he began to enjoy bath time. One of his biggest break-through’s came when AGAPE offered their family day at Sun Splash. After resisting to even enter the gates of a shallow pool area, he slowly
progressed to playing in the shallow water by himself. While that may appear to be small to most people, it was a huge success to us!
What we like the most about being foster parents is being able to watch him grow, trust, and conquer his fears. We like the fact that God has blessed us with the resources and hearts to have a positive effect on people’s lives. When I say “people’s,” I’m talking about the biological mom as well. Desiree opened an email account in which we are able to have an open dialogue with his biological mom. We are in constant communication with her: updating her on important events in his life, sending her pictures, and assuring her that he’s in good hands. She has sent us several pictures as well. We make sure to hang the pictures in his room so that he’s able to see her every day. She’s been able to attend a few doctor’s visits and we make sure to ask for her opinion about different areas in his life. We know that working together will yield the best results for him. While this may not be optimal for all foster families, it works very well for us. Not only are we able to have an impact on their lives, our foster son and his mom have drastically changed our lives as well. We are able to see issues from others’ perspectives and notjust our own. They have taught us to judge less and to show more love.
While there are many things that we enjoy about foster care, there are a few challenges. One challenge for us is balancing attention. We never want our biological children to feel as though they are missing out on quality time with mom and dad. We approach this challenge by making sure to spend quality time together as a family and taking the children out by themselves (one-on-one time). Another challenge is that our child can be emotionally draining. We deal with this challenge by communicating expectations and our feelings with each other as well as with our agency specialist (Anissa Voron, she’s amazing!!).
If we were to give advice to others considering becoming foster parents, we would ask that they consider a few things. If married, we would recommend that the two of you are on the same page. In other words, this is something that the both of you must truly desire. We know that this would be very difficult to do had us both not wanted to do it. We would also recommend pursuing additional training and talking to others who foster care. We were able to draw on the experience of others who have done foster care for much longer than we have. Lastly, be proactive and an advocate for the child in your care. Never assume that things will be taken care of or handled if you are not initiating calls/conversations. While there are many resources to help/guide you, you will know your child the best. Make sure that you are their biggest advocate.
We would not have been prepared to handle the challenges that come with foster care had it not been for AGAPE. We received excellent training through PS MAPP from very qualified, organized, and experienced instructors. They answered all of our
questions thoroughly and provided exceptional insight into the world of foster care. Anissa Voron, our agency specialist, has been a tremendous guide throughout the process as well. Anytime we had a question or concern, AGAPE always provided an
answer/solution in a timely manner. We have and will continue to recommend AGAPE to all of our friends and family who are interested in foster care/adoption.
