As most foster families know, foster care is mostly a learn-as-you-go situation—you’ll figure out most of it as you go along. But here are some tried and true tips routinely passed down from one successful foster family to the next. If you’re not already familiar with them, you might want to integrate them into your 2021 plans!
Don’t Get Too Attached to Your Plans – It’s okay to enter foster care with an idea of what your goals are. Long term placements? Foster-to-adopt? Babies only? Heart set on grade school kids or teenagers? Just respite care? There’s nothing wrong with having plans, but it may be best to keep an open mind. Some of us plan to foster one child at a time for short periods—and then a half dozen years later we’re living the joy and challenges of an adopted sibling group! With foster care, things rarely turn out the way you planned, so be ready to change your plans.
Document Every Memory – Take pictures. Shoot plenty of videos. Jot down the funny stories. Write down anything a foster child mentions about their life before they lived with you. Try to save as much of a child’s history as possible.
Go to Court Dates – Whether or not you’re allowed into the courtroom will differ by state, but try your best to be there. Even if all you can do is sit outside on the bench, you’ll be surprised how much you learn about the case and how much information you’re able to provide, including setting the record straight. Most of the people working on a foster child’s case are dealing with multiple families, and it isn’t uncommon for them to mix details up. For example, one foster child’s guardian entered into evidence that the family kept three aggressive pit bulls locked up in the back bedroom. Since the foster parents weren’t able to be at court that day to offer the facts, they spent the next several weeks trying to prove it wasn’t true.
Have a Support System in Place – Foster care is exhausting. And sad. And happy. And a whole bunch of other emotions. You need to find people who understand—be sure to become part of a support group. You’ll be amazed at how much joy you’ll be able to give and receive!
Don’t Bash Your Foster Child’s Birth Family – It’s maddening to learn some of the things birth families have done to their children, but that doesn’t excuse trashing them in front of your foster child. If a child is angry about what has happened in her life, that’s her right, and it’s appropriate to validate her right to be angry and to offer a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. But be careful to avoid adding fuel to the fire!
It’s Okay to Say NO – You are stressed, your house is too crowded, you feel overworked, the placement isn’t a good fit for your family. Whatever the reason, if you feel like you need to say no, it’s okay. There will be other calls.
We hope you find these 7 tips helpful for fostering in the new year and are wishing you and your family a wonderful 2021!
