A chance to dress up as your favorite cartoon character. Mass quantities of candy. Illuminating the smiling face of a pumpkin you’ve just carved. Decorating your yard with creepy ghosts, goblins, and spider webs. What’s not to love about Halloween?
The truth? October 31st can be loads of fun! Or it can be overwhelming and even stressful – for children who have recently been placed in foster care, are unfamiliar with your family’s routines, or have a history of abuse, neglect, or other trauma.
Joining a foster family means big changes – new people, a new home, new rules, a new school, and more. Many children in foster care are missing their biological parent(s), and the idea of cutting loose and having fun might feel like a betrayal. And here’s another issue to consider. Chemicals our bodies produce in a stressful situation are the same ones released during a fun, exciting situation. These chemicals can trigger memories of past trauma. And this can lead to meltdowns, outbursts of anger, or a sudden need to withdraw and isolate.
To ensure Halloween will be a fun, memorable experience for your foster children, do some advance planning and follow these tips.
- Tell kids what to expect. Anxiety is often driven by the unknown, explain what’s up ahead. Share which events or places you will be going to and who else will be there. Explain what they should say when trick-or-treating, and practice together. Consider walking your planned trick-or-treating route in daylight ahead of time. If your child seems hesitant about any of your plans, adjust accordingly.
- Emphasize fun over scary. When faced with scary decorations and costumes, young children with a history of trauma may have trouble recognizing what’s real and what’s pretend. Halloween is about so much more than skeletons and monsters, so choose items on the humorous or light-hearted side.
- Tune in to the senses. Children with sensory issues may have trouble in environments that are dark, loud, or crowded. Flashing lights and itchy costumes could also be an unwelcome trigger. If this is true of the child in your home, you may need to avoid certain activities and stimuli in order to have a stress-free Halloween. If your child is shy or struggles to express themselves verbally, know that special cards printed with “Trick or Treat” exist for this very purpose.
- Communicate the ground rules. It’s normal for parents to loosen the rules on holidays, but be sure to outline what Halloween looks like in your household, especially if this is a child’s first time experiencing it with you. Will you expect the group to stick together? How much candy will they be able to eat that night? Will you inspect their trick-or-treating hauls before they can dig in? When is bedtime? Decide on the rules and clearly share them.
- Remember, safety first. It’s not every day that you visit other people’s homes in the dark wearing superhero masks. Use this opportunity to reinforce safety and courtesy basics that will serve children well any time of year. Work with your kids to wear reflective clothing, look both ways before crossing the street, say please and thank you, and so on. If you have a teen who will be driving on Halloween, talk to them about taking it extra slow on the streets.
- Adapt for unique needs. Halloween traditions have a way of bringing out the differences in many kids, from food allergies to diabetes to autism. Be kind and patient, explaining things as necessary in age-appropriate ways. Make the children in your care feel accepted in their new environment.
- Adjust your expectations. As a foster parent, you can expect the kids in your care to become overwhelmed and tired easily. Set the bar low, such as trick-or-treating on one block instead of the entire neighborhood. It’s better to have a memorable half-hour of fun than to push on and potentially trigger intense emotions. You might even decide to stay home for a not-so-scary movie night. Do whatever feels right!
October 31st is a time to make special childhood memories. The key is to be both intentional and flexible with your plans. Kids in foster care often have unique needs, so if you meet them where they are, you’ll start forging new traditions as a foster family.
