Adoption
The Agape staff wanted to give a voice to one of the members of the adoption “triad” whose story frequently remains untold in public forums. Here is the journey of one brave and wonderful birth mother who placed her child in an adoptive home earlier this year.
What were your emotions when you discovered you were unexpectedly pregnant?
I cried! My first reaction was fear and I was so upset. How could this be happening to me again?
Why did you choose adoption instead of other options? (ie: abortion, parenting)
I’ve had an abortion in the past and for weeks I cried. I wasn’t able to sleep at all. I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that I never wanted to do that again. This time, I told my father I’d rather live on the streets than to have another abortion. In my heart I knew I wasn’t able to afford to care for my baby and that’s why I chose adoption.
What were your greatest hopes when you considered placing your baby in an adoptive home?
Initially I was really worried. I was concerned about what the parents would be like and I thought a lot about if they were going to be fake to my face just so I would place the baby with them. I was very optimistic when I was working through the adoptive family placement options. I had criteria they needed to meet; they needed to be married for longer than five years, have their own home (I didn’t want my baby living in an apartment), they needed to have great jobs, they needed to be at least 30 years old, and I didn’t want them to be Catholic, it was important to me that they were Christian. I believe in God and I have a relationship with him and I wanted that same opportunity for my baby. My greatest hopes were that my daughter would grow up in a stable and constant environment just like I did.
What were some of your greatest fears when you considered placing your baby in an adoptive home?
I was afraid that the family that I chose to parent my baby wouldn’t be open to the idea of an OPEN ADOPTION. It was important to me to continue having some contact with them and my fear was that it wouldn’t happen. I also had a nagging fear that my baby would be abused if she weren’t in my care.
Why did you chose to work with Agape?
The sole reason I chose to work with Agape was because they are a Christian Agency.
What was it like to select and work with an adoptive family?
I had the greatest experience ever in having an adoption. Some other families I had to choose from just didn’t seem to click.
However, there was this one family that I just couldn’t stop thinking about. We set up a phone interview that went great and as soon as I was off the phone with them, I knew immediately that this was the family that was going to help raise my
daughter.The Parents that I had picked out were originally Catholic, which is exactly what I didn’t want. Before the adoption selection process, they had become Christian and I was happy about that.
We met a couple of times and I discovered this match was even more perfect in person. They were married for over 15 years, and they met all of my expectations as well; in fact, they exceeded my expectations.
Agape encourages the adoption triad to participate in a “Blessing Ceremony.” What was that like for you?
What a great experience! I was given the opportunity to speak that day and I had the opportunity to encourage her new brother, and I personally placed my daughter in her new parents arms. My baby’s new parents spoke to me and thanked me for this precious gift. After that part of the ceremony had ended, we had a balloon release ceremony (one balloon representing each person present.) Needless to say, this was an incredibly emotional experience for me.
You have an “OPEN ADOPTION”. How did you and the adoptive family decide how and when pictures would be exchanged or when meetings would occur?
Together we set a schedule to meet every three months. The adoptive mom created a private Facebook account that my family and I could continue to stay connected by viewing pics and videos of my daughter anytime we wanted. This has continued to this day.
What have been the best parts of your adoption experience?
Initially the adoptive family hadn’t told their son they were adopting because of a tough unexpected experience previously. When I had my baby, the adoptive family came to the hospital and this was the first time their son knew about the adoption. The look on his face was amazing! Just that moment of seeing his enormous smile made this experience so wonderful!
What have been the worst parts of your adoption experience?
Honestly, I didn’t have any bad experiences.
What do you want birth parents who are expecting and looking for an adoption agency to know about working with Agape?
The first thing I would say to them is Agape has been so loyal to me. Every promise they’ve made, they followed through. They ensured that I was informed of my rights as a birth mom, they connected me to resources for maternity clothing and made sure I had all the necessary resources to assist me with this season of my life.
What are five things you think people should know about you?
I want people to know that I am a Christian, I have an outgoing personality, I believe in fairness/equality, I’m a great hairstylist and I am a very loving person.
Is there anything else you want us to know?
If you are planning on adopting, please make sure you know the medical and familial history of the child you are adopting. It’s always best to know for the sake of the child if there is a heredity medical issue. Knowing could help prevent a future medical issue.
